Gotham Gazette, Noon Edition

Dues ex Machina Rings Down Curtain on Classical Drama byline: V Vale

Gotham City: Late last night, 3 criminals tried to revive some of the classics. And, in the tradition of the Greek tragedies, fatal character flaws lead to their downfalls at the hands of Gotham's own Deus ex Machina, Red Robin.

Early this morning Gotham Police responded to an alarm at the Gotham Public Broadcasting facility. When they reached the scene, they discovered 3 gaudily dressed villains, covered with blood, wrapped up like a Christmas gift with a Bat-rope bow. The three had apparently broken in shortly after the end of the annual telethon and attempted to make off with this year's millions of dollars in cash donations.

The gift-wrapped trio gave the police the names of Artemis (an archer armed with trick arrows, like a second rate evil female Green Arrow), Apollo (who thinks he is the earth-bound avatar of the Greek God, and who can apparently start fires with his eyes) and Hercules (whose great strength was not enough to burst a Bat-rope). And they were dressed the parts, in costumes reminiscent of the ancient Greeks and Romans.

Although there were no heroes present when the police arrived, the Bat-rope suggests, and the stories of the villains confirm, that their larcenous expedition was foiled by Red Robin.

"He ain't so tough" said the costumed strongman, Hercules. "I busted him one in the head and flattened him. If that blasted car of his hadn't sprayed us with knockout gas, it would be a different story today! Wit out (sic) his gadgets, he's nuthin!"

"It was my arrow through his shoulder that slowed him down enough for you to clobber" his partner Artemis added. The third villain, Apollo, was still unconscious, and not available for comment.

The crime scene was unusual given the involvement of Red Robin. The blood and destruction were more reminiscent of Blackwing's adventures. Though the villains had been captured, none of them appeared to have any wounds, and a police doctor confirmed that none of them had contributed to the blood at the crime scene. A police spokeswoman ridiculed the villains comments about Red Robin?

"The notion that these three so-called 'super villains' could even inconvenience Red Robin, much less injure him, is ludicrous. The villains are obviously lying to protect someone else, perhaps their leader, who was injured in the fray but managed to escape. We expect to announce further captures shortly."

The villains are being held in Arkham Prison while they await a hearing. They have been charged with breaking and entering, attempted larceny, assault and battery with dangerous weapons (their powers), and attempted arson.